Hello Campers!

Meet Park Ranger Chuck – The Ideas Guy (For Better or Worse)

Every team needs a big-picture thinker. Someone with vision. Someone who sees problems and, instead of dwelling on them, immediately suggests solutions—no matter how impractical, ill-advised, or potentially life-threatening those solutions may be.

Meet Chuck.

Chuck is the park’s resident “ideas guy”, always eager to offer helpful suggestions that walk the fine line between genius and disaster. Whether it's reinventing the way we fundraise (we are not selling "Evergreen National Park Hot Tubs" made from repurposed canoes) or devising new outdoor safety techniques (see below for why you should never listen to them), Chuck is always thinking outside the box.

And because we like to encourage enthusiasm (even when it teeters on the edge of park liability), we let Chuck contribute to the park blog.

Crossing a River Safely: A Guide By Chuck (That You Should Absolutely Not Follow - Deb)

Deb’s Note: The following advice is incorrect, dangerous, and in some cases, defies both logic and physics. Please do not attempt anything Chuck suggests.

Step 1: The Sprint Method

The faster the water is running, the faster you should sprint across it.
This ensures you spend the least amount of time in danger. Momentum is key.

Step 2: Log Surfing

If there’s a fallen tree in the water, congrats! You’ve found a natural bridge. Step onto it confidently and use your arms for balance. If it starts to roll, just run faster.

Step 3: The “Hold Your Breath Just in Case” Rule

Always take a deep breath before crossing, because, well, you never know. (Deb’s Note: This implies you expect to go underwater. Which is bad.)

Step 4: Look the River in the Eye

Establish dominance. Nature respects confidence. (Deb’s Note: Nature does not care.)

Step 5: Test the Depth With Your Friend

Why risk getting wet when you can have someone else go first? (Deb’s Note: I have no words.)

Step 6: If You Fall In, Go Limp

Just like a possum, if you pretend to be lifeless, the river might lose interest in you. (Deb’s Note: This is not how rivers work.)

Big News: A Documentary Crew is Coming to Evergreen!

Next weekend, we’re expecting a documentary crew to visit Evergreen National Park to film our fundraiser: “Adopt a Tree” Day!

Yes, our fundraiser. Right here in Evergreen. On film. For people to see.

What does this mean?

• We have to act professional. (Frank, this means wearing shoes.)

• We have to sound smart. (Harry, please triple-check your math before speaking.)

• We have to look like we know what we’re doing. (Chuck… just… let’s talk.)

This is a huge opportunity to get people invested in the park and, more importantly, raise money to keep the park open. So let’s do this right. And by right, I mean… please don’t make me regret this.

Coming Next Week: Meet Frank the Camper!

Next week, we finally introduce Frank the Camper— a man who has spent so much time in Evergreen that we’re pretty sure the trees recognize him. He’s part survivalist, part philosopher, and entirely unaware that most people don’t consider sleeping in a hollowed-out log a “lifestyle choice.” Whether he’s fishing, foraging, or accidentally starting a minor fire (again), Frank is the heart of Evergreen-whether we like it or not.

Until then, stay safe, don’t sprint through rivers, and please act normal when the cameras arrive.

— Deb, Head Park Ranger